Starve the Ego Feed the Soul
Starve the Ego Feed the Soul
Navigating Gender Dynamics & Stereotypes: A Call for Accountability
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Ever questioned the roles we play in our relationships? This episode tackles the intricate dance of masculinity and femininity in today's world. Through a candid exchange with a fellow pickleball player, I dissect the stereotypes that shape our society and emphasize the importance of self-awareness and accountability. It's about more than just assigning blame; it's about understanding our personal growth and mutual respect to cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Dive into the complex conversations around gender bias and the nuances that often go unnoticed. By recounting interactions that challenge conventional perspectives, I highlight the importance of respectful dialogue and personal improvement. This isn't just about gender roles; it's about recognizing the systemic inequalities that affect us all, particularly women of color. Join me in striving for a world where open communication and empowerment lead to stronger communities and the freedom for everyone to chase their dreams.
Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com
Keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. And I need you to be a minister for a moment and find somebody sitting in your general vicinity. Look them dead in the eyes if they owe you $20, and tell them neighbor, whatever you do, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. It's hard to keep pushing in the world that we're living in right now. How is one supposed to find serenity?
Speaker 2:and sanity and strength in the world we live in right now. No-transcript need surgery, and that I found out later down the line. So if you want to help support my goals to go to flight school, become a certified flight instructor, be able to fly commercially and I really am passionate about getting other young people into aviation or anyone into aviation for that matter I grew up always wanting to be a pilot, always wanting to fly. Didn't have those opportunities, didn't even know what resources existed out there, and I would love to go into middle schools and high schools and get young people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds and all different races and cultures to provide them with the opportunity to get up in the air, see what it's like to fly, and also to be a free resource for them on getting scholarships, on getting involved in aviation in some capacity and ultimately inspiring them to believe in themselves, to pursue this passion, because if you want to fly, you can absolutely fly. There are ways to make it happen. You just need someone to put their arm around your wing for lack of a better word and help you a little bit. Help you get off the ground. So if you'd like to donate to the fund I'm raising, it would be much appreciated. The link is in the show notes and anything you can donate is. Again, thank you so much, and if you can't donate or you don't want to, please consider just sharing the link on your social medias, texting it to friends. You know, the more eyes it can reach, the more opportunities for people to donate and to contribute to it as well too. So thank you so much for that.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I really wanted to talk about a very interesting topic today. Of course, this is a solo episode, so I'm excited to just be able to talk in solo episodes more, because a lot of times when I'm interviewing people, interviewing guests, I'm really just focused on their story and their perspective, and a lot of you have voiced very many times, whether it's through Instagram or through sending me emails, that you would like me to do more solo episodes to really find out what I think about certain topics. So this is interesting because this just happened today. So this is going to launch, obviously in the future, but today's, october 30th, so whenever this comes out, you know it is what it is, but this woman who I played pickleball with in San Diego I believe it was in her mid forties you know, it was really nice when I played pickleball with her Sweetheart, got into a relationship recently that I was very supportive of. I was like I'm always supportive of love and relationships. I'm like you go, people, you find love and healthy relationships for you. I'm psyched for you. That is that is why we're here, fully support that.
Speaker 2:So this person would send me random DMS off and on and they would always kind of be in the form of some sort of just I don't know perspective sort of bashing or demonizing men or perhaps scapegoating women and focusing on men being at fault for X, y and Z. And you guys know me if you've been here for a while I'm a fan of holding all genders accountable. I think that there are plenty of things that men need to work on and own. There are plenty of things that men need to work on and own. There are plenty of things that women need to work on and own. There is toxic and unhealthy, underdeveloped masculinity, and there is also toxic and underdeveloped femininity, right, and we need to also equally call that out too, because that is just as big of a part of the problem as masculinity.
Speaker 2:Now, when we look at patriarchy, patriarchy isn't just propped up on masculinity.
Speaker 2:It is also propped up on the ideals of a certain type of feminine as well, too, and so we need to deconstruct that to actually understand patriarchy the unhealthy things about it and perhaps some of the good things about it, just like matriarchy as well, too, to see what that would look like and of course, that's a hypothesis because we don't live in a matriarchal society but it's important to think about these things as we construct a more well-rounded, as unbiased as possible perspective on how we exist in the world, whether we're a man or a woman or however you define yourself.
Speaker 2:So I just got this random video from this person literally last night, and I'm going to play the video. It's from Instagram, it's from some random Instagram account. It's a dude talking about stuff. I'm going to play it on the mic here and then I'll sort of read our conversation to you guys. I want to deconstruct the conversation and then, of course, for respect, I'm keeping this person anonymous, and then I'll sort of get into how the conversation evolved after this. But this conversation will sort of umbrella into a larger discussion I want to have around the idea of blame and on accountability. So here we go.
Speaker 3:Most women in this generation aren't masculine. They are just surrounded by feminine men who trigger their survival instincts. Let's be real Too many men today bring nothing to the table, yet are quick to get sassy when a woman won't be feminine or submissive toward them, yet are quick to get sassy when a woman won't be feminine or submissive toward them. This is why so many women are single. They are tired of having to be both the man and the woman in the relationship. If she has to take care of herself and you plan everything, cover the bills, manage the house and be her own emotional and physical support, she'll choose to stay single. It's wild that men with mama's boy syndrome and feminine tendencies have the audacity to consider themselves the prize, then call women masculine when they refuse to do everything on their terms. So no, she's not masculine. She's adapting to survive and become the protector, provider and leader that you couldn't be.
Speaker 2:All right, so sent that to me Now that might pique your interest, and you might be like all right, this guy sounds like he's making sense. Now let me tell you why. This is complete bullshit. Now, no doubt about it. There are definitely men that probably behave like that. In fact, there are men that behave like that Absolutely.
Speaker 2:But this is this huge generalization about taking off accountability from women. If you're a female, that you're not responsible for your own hyper-masculinity, right? Just like men are responsible if they're overly feminine or overly masculine or not in touch with some part of themselves, you're responsible for your own shit. So saying that, like, what I'm doing as a female is the responsibility of men is fucking ridiculous and there's no accountability in that, and so that's what I have. This is the issue I have with. This is, like, hypothetically, what he's saying. It seems like it's somewhat logical, but it isn't. This dude doesn't know what he's talking about, first of all, because he's a man, right. So, like when he's talking about women being hyper-masculine and it's a response to this, well, if we hear from other women, we actually hear completely different opinions. That, well, they feel like they're hyper-masculine because of their own childhood trauma, or that they wanted to sort of prove to their family or prove to their parent, prove their dad or their mom, that they could be a CEO or be running a company or whatever. And then of course, they're super hyper, individual, independent, strong woman in quotation marks and it's actually really quite hard to date someone like that, Not because you're scared of a strong woman, but because they're so self-obsessed and self-occupied that they don't know how to give. They don't know how to love either. They're not in touch with their soft feminine. It is not the responsibility of another individual to open that part of you up. You have to get there on your own accord and then you're ready for an actual congruent, cohesive relationship. So he's kind of putting this blame on men, saying that, well, because men are this way, women are this way and like, not really. That's like saying, well, because men are this way, like they can be assholes and they can be stuck in this patriarchal sort of idea complex that it's because women are this way. Well, no, there's a little bit of responsibility on both sides, depending on who we are, because we get feedback, we learn through behaviors and through responses. However, you're not responsible for my shit and I'm not responsible for yours period. So this is really a conflated fallacy is what he's talking about.
Speaker 2:So let me just read my responses and then I'll sort of get into stuff of this woman's response and kind of why. I think it's a common issue within communication and within people trying to sort of deflect accountability because maybe they've been called a hyper-masculine woman or hyper-feminine man or whatever right, and she's failing to see the other perspective. And so here I am trying to hold compassion for both sides of the field and say, hey, I can see how a woman that feels she's in hyper-masculine could see it both being a positive and a negative to relationships. I could see how someone's dating a person like that Could it be both a positive and negative, and vice versa, if a man is hyper-feminine or hyper-masculine, how both of that could be considered as well too right. So I responded I was just like LOL, period again. Cause I'm like, oh boy, here we go.
Speaker 2:And I said let's be real, this video lets women off the hook. If I sent a video of a woman saying that the behavior of men isn't the fault of men, women would lose their shit. These issues are so much more complex and this guy hasn't even cracked the surface. Are you sending me these videos for a reason? Just curious smiley face, because I really want to understand. This is a random thing that I just got in my DMs Like hey, what's the purpose of this, and are you just trying to educate me? Or you just want me to want to know what my response is? Or just trying to? Let's have a conversation?
Speaker 2:But there was no context. She didn't say anything. There was just a video in my DM and she said haha, again, you take it so black and white. This is a major experience I've had and most of my friends it's not all men, but it is a good amount of them that were ruining or sorry, running into the dating world. It's what you do. So I thought you'd find it interesting. I don't understand what she means. It's what I do. I certainly try not to make ignorant comments on the internet, but I'm sure I've made valuable mistakes as well too. So when she says what I do, maybe she referred to being a counselor and that I would want to watch something like that. So I said you are only seeing it from your own perspective. I find that video repulsive. It's not interesting to me.
Speaker 2:I find it disempowering to all genders in the fact that it provides zero context and makes a literal black and white statement that seems incredibly ignorant and she said okay, it's a man that's sharing information for one. And secondly, it is a widely shared experience by women in the current dating landscape. And now this is where I have the problem and where I start to get into sort of a lecture here. Where it's like it is a widely shared experience by women, how can you speak for literally 4 billion, 5 billion women on earth? It's so ignorant to make those kinds of statements.
Speaker 2:If I say this is an experience that all men have, as a man, I don't even fucking know what I'm talking about. In that you can say this might be a common experience, but you can't say it's a widely shared experience by women in their current dating landscape, because it isn't. There's plenty of women that are having the exact opposite experience. It might be an experience for you in the bubble you're in with your friends in the area you live with the sort of income level you're in with your friends in the area you live with, like the sort of income level you're at with the race and ethnicity you're a part of, but that doesn't apply to all women or all men. It's an ignorant statement and it's really just short-sighted and myopic. So she said just because you disagree and don't like it doesn't mean that it isn't. Something is actually happening. It's a huge part of the reason.
Speaker 2:I was single for six years and then I sent a voice note because I really hate communicating via text. There's a lot of stuff that can be misconstrued by it. But basically in the voice note I was like hey, you know what? With all due respect, I really think you're being very short-sighted of this and you're basically saying a lot of these things that are really only from your perspective and your bias, and I think that many people have varying different experiences right, and so this particular thing that we're talking about here is absolutely a problem.
Speaker 2:But there's a lot of these problems within this and it just doesn't evolve around men being too feminine. There's also the hyper-masculine in women that is their trauma response. That isn't just indicative of the problems that men beset on women. That's just again, it's a scapegoat tactic. It says I'm taking zero accountability for who I am and my behavior. In fact, I am who I am because of these other people and because of this other gender and therefore, well, I have nothing to grow, nothing to work on. So here we go. I know this is the work you do, so again, this is her speaking. But I find it interesting that you always seem pretty defensive and upset about anything that holds men accountable for their actions and, if you know me, this is a ridiculously absurd comment.
Speaker 2:Again, I've said this over and over again I believe in holding all genders accountable for their own shit, but we have to do that as individuals. When we start pointing fingers and throwing rocks, it's certainly not going to get anything done, it's not calling people in and it's not going to lead to healing or growth. We're just trying to make ourselves feel better in our own trauma because of what we've been through, and we're trying to give ourselves that little sense of ease because we want to be right, and that's what this is pain to be exhausting, especially when they randomly show up in my DMs. I would never not want to hold my own gender accountable. If you hold yours accountable and I hold mine, we wouldn't be having these conversations, in my opinion, of course. Again, I'm trying to be very neutral here and this is what I'm saying. It's like there's a holistic perspective to be had here, and it isn't just on one side or the other. In fact, we shouldn't be playing sides. This is a team game. If you're in a relationship and you're trying to date and relate, this should be a team game. This is how we grow together, from all genders, both genders, men and women. Let's get this going, let's get going forward.
Speaker 2:And she said haha, I'm not projecting about pain, it's a shared experience with other women. Again, she's just saying like, oh, because I have friends or whatever other women, then this is it. So because the sun is this color, this is what it is. Because I've corroborated with 20, 30, 40 other people and because they agree with me, then this is what it is. She said your own bias, I think, is way more intense. I literally share these things because they're interesting and strike a chord. So I don't know what chord she's talking about. They are by no means like men hating tropes. And I said excuse me, miss no way. And I said shared experience with how many women? 10,000?. That is not good science.
Speaker 2:And she says it seems that you're very upset that women aren't held accountable. And again, this is a person projecting in my DMs. This is not what I'm saying I'm reading you guys, my messages, and there's no me being upset at all. I'm just saying that people need to be held accountable equally and it shouldn't be genderized based on what another sex is doing. So if men have a tendency or women have a tendency, men need to hash that out and women need to hash theirs out, and that's how we come together.
Speaker 2:But if we're saying, hey, I have a tendency and it's only to blame on the other gender and I don't have anything to work on or be accountable for, it's so disempowering to the actual gender. That's pointing the finger because it's literally saying I have nothing to change or work on or grow and because of that, well, let's stay stuck in the same dogmatic, bullshit, fucking dating scenario where men act like this and women act like this, and it's super toxic and unhealthy because we stay the same. I mean, that's what's not working. So I said that is not good science. And she's like for what? I'm not sure exactly. Both genders have their flaws. So that's one thing I can agree with her on. Okay, both genders have their flaws, is that not what I'm arguing? Then what is your point that, like that, only men need to change to have a healthier dating environment. And so I say I said it seems like you continue to try and conflate that I am upset with you holding men accountable for what exactly? I am perfectly fine with men being held accountable. What I am asking for is a more holistic perspective on this issue and not such a myopic, small-minded one.
Speaker 2:And she says it's not a science. It's a similar experience that myself and my friends, slash colleagues, all have. And again she used the term black and white. And this is what black and white rhetoric sounds like all Me and my all have. So again, you have a small sample pool. Let's say 20 to 40. Let's even say 100 people. Let's say 1,000 people. There are 8.blah, blah, blah, billion people on the planet, and so it doesn't mean invalidate your experience.
Speaker 2:It's just when you say these huge blanket statements about genders, it just makes you sound really ignorant when you're actually talking about your own experience, because you're applying it to the entirety of the world, which is just not something, as adults, we need to be doing, because we're focused on ourselves and our own experiences. But when you start throwing these blanket statements, it's like we're trying to prop up our argument in our own bias so that we can feel more right and feel more correct and perhaps feel a little alleviated for the shitty behavior that we may have done in the past. And a lot of times, that's where this comes from. It's like this facade blanket that we're trying to protect ourselves with, because, even though we've been hurt and maybe abused, well, we have nothing to be accountable for because we were just victims. And that's just bullshit talk. And so I responded to when she said, for what? I'm not sure exactly, both genders have their faults. I said, of course, but you are merely focusing on one gender. What I'm arguing is both are responsible for their own shit and of course, they're influenced by each other, but ultimately, we are responsible for our own shit. So if you're hypermasculine, you are responsible for that.
Speaker 2:It's not some dude's job to like soften your edges. You need to get yourself to a healthy level of like homeostasis, of balance. Same thing with a man as well, too. You want the guy to be a provider and a protector and a warrior, but you also want to be soft and caressing and be able to hold space for you. He's got to work to be there.
Speaker 2:And again, there's no fucking perfect human beings, people. So you also got to give people some grace too, because they're going to fuck up. But if you continuously keep messing up, well, then you're probably not going to be in a relationship very long, because anyone that has a healthy, stable you know mindset or sort of stable attachment style, they're not going to be want to, they're not going to want to stay in a relationship with someone that's incredibly toxic in a lot of ways, or not loving, or too cold, or too hyper masculine or too hyper feminine or whatever I think really like. It's about balancing those things within ourselves, and you're not looking at a perfect human being, but hopefully, if we're looking for evolved people that are in touch with their emotions, that are able to communicate, that are career-driven, goal-oriented, that if they want to have kids and you want to have kids, that all lines up. Well, you got to work towards that kind of shit.
Speaker 2:It doesn't just fucking happen randomly, right, and so, anyways, she responds. She responds to the stuff I say and she's like you tell me, nothing I send is about holding them accountable. It's observations of prevalent behaviors, behaviors that I thought you study and are interested in from what I've seen in your content. I may be mistaken, very mistaken, apparently, and again, there's just like these passive, aggressive undertones in this woman's writing. I'm just like dude, like you sent me this video randomly with no context, no commentary, just threw it in my DMs. I don't even know you and I'm responding to you, giving you my time Cause obviously you wanted to engage in conversation with this, but apparently you don't want to engage in conversation. Apparently, what you want to do is for someone to be like oh, absolutely, you're so right, this is so right, and I'm not going to fucking say that because this is ignorant. This video is ridiculous, it's preposterous, it's untrue in so many aspects because it's focusing on this very biased narrative and it's not seeing all these different perspectives that actually exist in real time.
Speaker 2:All people have shit to work on. That doesn't mean that men and masculinity shouldn't be put under the microscope and scrutinized, and same thing with women and femininity. And also we have to remember that we don't grow apart, we grow together. So if you're just looking at men to handle their shit and you think that that's the only thing that needs to change for you to actually have a healthy, functional relationship, you're in for a very rude awakening. Absolutely, because there's zero personal accountability or responsibility there, and you're probably going to continue to attract the same type of people and your relationships will last one to three years and keep fizzling out, and you'll keep blaming it on men and other people and nothing will ever change until you do Just like if I was talking to a guy, I would say the exact same thing to him.
Speaker 2:You keep blaming your shit on women and women. This and maybe perhaps it's because you're attracting certain women, because you haven't learned the lessons or grown in the way you need to grow to meet someone that can meet you at the area you want to be at, because you're not there yet and you need to do some more work and some more soul searching and some more getting to know your inner child and getting to know your trauma and how it affects you and how it manifests in your actual relationships in mental, physical, emotional, spiritual ways. Okay, and so she says it's not a science, it's similar experience that myself and all my friends and colleagues have, and so my response to that was right In your bubble, which means your bias. This is still a grand generalization based on a few people out of 8 billion you have come into contact with. If I said the same thing about women, it would also be biased. I mean, I think if you reread the above with your therapist or perhaps a friend, that is unbiased situation. Maybe that would help.
Speaker 2:Start from the random video you sent me and then read downward and I said I'm off for the day, take care. And again, I'm saying this because I'm like, look, there's obviously like we're not communicating anymore here, because I'm trying to explain you know where I'm coming from from this person and this person really just wants me to say hey, you're right, I'm wrong, or you know what you're talking about. I don't, I'm not going to say that in this context, didn't? I think I was being very respectful? I would say that I'd say hey, sorry, I think I got triggered by this. I don't feel like I was triggered by this at all.
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to prove a point where it's like hey, it's not just black and white, it's not just because you experienced this that everyone experiences that and that, because you think everyone experiences that men need to change, because that's just your and your friend's experience, it's just not how it works. That's really not how social science or behavior science works. And she said no one is without bias, haha, I have degrees in sociology and psychology. So there we go. There's the ivory tower, there, I have degrees, so I am a professional and I know what the fuck I'm talking about. And then she says, wow, I haha telling me to review with my therapist and again, I didn't say that to like be rude or sound elitist or anything like that. It was like no, it's what I do personally.
Speaker 2:Like, if I, if I feel like I'm my bias or my ego is wreaking havoc in a conversation or some sort of thing, I'm happy I'll go to my therapist or go to therapy and be like hey, I'll read them the conversations. I won't hide anything. I won't try to like change what I said. I'll read them exactly what I wrote or what I said, or play the clips for them If I'm talking and ask them hey, do you think I'm like speaking out of bias here? Do you think I'm not thinking's nothing I can do because that's theirs to own right? I always do that. That's what you should be using therapy for to check yourself in those ways. It's not about blaming other people. That's not what fucking therapy is for. It's about looking at yourself and becoming a better, more healthy human being and also being able to let go of the shit you can't change, which isn't a lot, by the way. You can change a lot. So I don't want to let anyone use that as an excuse.
Speaker 2:And so she said I have degrees in sociology and psychology. And that was like okay, dude, seriously. And I said that's neat, cause you know, at the end of the day it's like someone's like well, I have this and this, so I know what I're talking about. Honestly, you talking about something makes me believe you know what you're talking about when it sounds intelligent and logical. For instance, the guy that wrecked my arm was a fellowship training shoulder surgeon. Dude, fucking sucks at the surgery he did on my arm. He went to med school for X amount of years. Some crappy med school. I don't care what your degrees are in, I want to know how you think and why you think it. I said that's neat, that means nothing.
Speaker 2:And at this point you can tell there is some fire there in my words, because I'm like this woman just keeps like well, I have a degree in sociology. I know what I'm talking about. All my friends feel the same way, all my colleagues feel the same way. So therefore, what I'm saying is 100%, absolutely right in everyone's experience and therefore you need to submit. And I said that means nothing. Well, just like it means nothing that I am a counselor, I always use professionals not associated with my ego to help me clarify. And that's what I'm referring to, is what I just explained to you guys. Just because I'm a counselor and I have degrees, and I have graduate degrees and I've been in school and academia and all this bullshit, it doesn't fucking matter.
Speaker 2:I also make mistakes and say things out of bias and spite and contempt too, so that when I go back into therapy and practice what I preach, I'm sitting in front of a therapist. I'm again reading these conversations, talking about this stuff, trying to understand myself better, trying to understand where this stuff is coming from, to really be a better communicator, a better listener, but also not take any random person's bullshit, because I'm not supposed to sit here, even with my work, and be able and be like a board for someone just to fire hose and spew out their freaking trauma without any awareness, which is kind of what I believe is going on in these DMs, and it will get to the end here when I end up blocking this person because I'm just like, yeah, sorry, you do not have any more access to my energy. I'm good. It's not that I don't want to have discourse and disagreement. I welcome that with anybody, as long as you can communicate eloquently without personal attacks. But as soon as it turns into personal attacks and see I'm out, I don't need that in my life. I don't want that in my life. You can go, do you boo? It's not welcomed here.
Speaker 2:And so I say, yeah, of course I always use professionals not associated with my ego to help me clarify, to check myself.
Speaker 2:And she says I don't currently see anyone, but thank you so much. That's pretty offensive and I'm like what this is offensive to you? What about what you're saying to me? You're the person that sent me the video that started this entire conversation. You're not reading your own words or even listening to them. And I said I'm telling you I'm rather exhausted with this conversation and with you randomly DMing me with no context and then starting this. That seems like it's going nowhere. That seems like it's going to reach no resolution. And I said cheers and be well and after that just blocked this woman entirely.
Speaker 2:I'm always open to conversation. Like I said, I rarely respond to DMs, but since I've played pickleball with this person, had a few conversations with them, totally open to communicate with someone I've met in person. But we all have priorities in life and stuff's going on. I'm studying for flying, I have actual fucking friends in physical reality that I care about, family, all these things, right, things are going on and so I'm giving this person like 30 minutes, 40 minutes of my time in this conversation. That really is not enriching, it's really sort of infuriating, it's just exhausting.
Speaker 2:This person is completely deflecting any sort of personal responsibility and personal accountability and it really gets me into this battle of the sexes or gender that's been going on, where women are lambasting men all the time, like oh fuck the patriarchy and it's men's fault, and I'm like dude, that's absolute bullshit. Women are just as much part of the patriarchy as men and so, yes, men have absolutely the necessity to own that shit. And let me also separate men into men that are minorities, and white men too, because there's a completely different scale on that right. As a brown Hispanic man, my entire life I've been treated differently than white men in many situations, just like white women, and this woman is a white woman. I've always been lectured by white women that are going to tell me how the world is from their perspective and, quite frankly, they don't know anything they're talking about in terms to actually being the suffrages of women, in part by being a women of minority. So, yes, there are disparities with being a female, absolutely. There's misogyny, there's patriarchy, there's all this stuff. But then if you break it down to being a woman of color, dude, it's not even comparable. Women of color get paid like 50 cents to the freaking dollar for regular women. Of course, women get paid lower than men still, and that's changing as well too. And we need to keep talking about this and have these conversations, because a lot of times, when people believe, when women believe they're feminists or someone believes they're a feminist, they search group women altogether, and that's not fair. That doesn't pay respects to the minority women that have suffered racism, bigotry, hatred on top of misogyny, on top of toxic patriarchy, on top of all these things. And so when you just loop yourself together with all women, it's not really how it works, boo-boo. It's not really how it works. And it shouldn't be how it works either, because there's differences. I wish we didn't see race and racial bias in this country. But we do, and we always have and we will continue to until we keep having these hard conversations.
Speaker 2:Now, going back to this disparity against men and women, here's the thing, y'all If you want to attract better partners, then you need to improve yourself right. And that means if you find yourself being hyper-masculine, you're this person that hides in your apartment and is single for X amount of years and you have all these friends and you play these sports and you do these things, but you really are still yearning for that connection. You want that man who's going to do all these things for you, to love you and do this stuff. Then go, keep growing, because this sort of small mindset where it's like, well, it's just men that aren't meeting me, that's just never going to work. It's never going to work Because if you're doing that, you're going to continue to attract people at your level, which is someone who's making excuses, someone who's blaming the other gender, someone who is not completely emotionally aware, who has not been practicing self-knowledge or self-wisdom, isn't trying to understand themselves on a deeper level. So so get there, get to that point, and then you won't accept any sort of behavior from any men or women that aren't going to be able to meet you at that level that you're at. So then you don't have to keep blaming other genders and making excuses for yourself. You just are where you are and that's it, and then be there and help others rise to that as well too.
Speaker 2:So teach, give, learn, love, not just your same gender, all genders. If you're a woman and you feel like you have a lot of self-awareness and things to teach, then go teach men too. Right, make friends that are men, teach them like, bring them up, bring them forward. If you're a man that has a lot of self-awareness, then go make friends with women and other men too. Everybody like. Literally. Go, help, be of service to others. Serve that's how we grow together. Be open, of course. If you run into an individual like this, who is stuck in their ways, who is obviously not looking to grow, is obviously looking to probably read a bunch of self-help books and bullshit themselves into another relationship that will fizzle out in a year or two because they're going to just blame the other person for everything, then you're not going to be able to lead that horse to water. Let them figure it out on their own. Let go.
Speaker 2:As someone who works as a professional in mental health and relationship therapy, I know that I can't do work for people. I can't change someone inside. They have to do that. And so I can sit in a room with them and they can pay money all day long and we can talk about the things that they need to change, the things that they need to look at how to look at it from another person's perspective, how to build empathy, how to build compassion, how to see things from outside of your own bias, looking at your childhood, looking at your family dynamics all this stuff right. But then if they don't do anything with that, when they step out, if they go right back to who they've been for the past 10 years, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how bad they. I want for them to have healthier relationships. They're not going to get it because they're not doing the work on their own time.
Speaker 2:And this, ladies and gentlemen, in my phone right now, that's just an example of not doing the work. It's an example of looking for someone just to agree with you, and if they don't agree with you, you're going to start personally attacking them, and it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate that we live in a society where that's acceptable from women, because it's certainly not acceptable for men. If a guy does that, it's considered harassment, it's considered patriarchy, it's considered misogyny. You know, just being sassy or just being she's a strong woman, independent woman. I'm like no, that's just someone being a fucking asshole. And men do it too. And again, both, all genders, need to be held accountable. So let's start to speak up when it happens.
Speaker 2:And again, I welcome these conversations. I don't want you to shy away from sending me a message. If you're heated or if you disagree with something I write, or if you agree with something I write, all of it is welcome. Heated. Or if you disagree with something I write, or if you agree with something I write, all of it is welcome. Just know that logic must proceed and secede those statements. So if you're going to get into a conversation, be logical and thoughtful about it. If you're triggered, if you're fired up and you're trying to just suck someone in because you want to say gotcha and fuck you, that's just not a great way to enter a conversation.
Speaker 2:If you're looking to learn and grow, or even to teach, right, we don't learn or teach from those areas. It's not inducive to any sort of growth. What we're looking for is a fight right? We're looking to be right. We're looking to be proved right, we're looking to be felt like only our experience is the one that's true and the one that matters, and it's not how it works. You can be hurt and suffering at the same time and be an oppressor and causing pain at the same time too. When you really think about that and you really understand how many relationship dynamics are actually truly like that, then you start to understand how to soften and how to give and how to be respectful, how to be courteous and how to not just put your wants and needs over that of another, that if someone else is suffering, you can, too, suffer in your own way, but also still open your heart and hold space for them, and vice versa. When that happens on both sides, wow, wow, is that a beautiful thing, incredible. So again, I just want to read those messages and kind of have this conversation.
Speaker 2:I really enjoy talking about this polarity in modern society between the masculine and the feminine, between men and women, because we need to call people forward Again. Not just men need to do the work, ladies, women need to do just as much work. And if you're shaking your head. No, it's not true. Well then, I'm sorry, I disagree with you. That's okay. We can respectfully disagree. I think all genders need to call each other up, call each other forward, be better at giving. We're really good at being selfish these days. We're really good at taking selfies. It's why more narcissistic tendencies are being noticed. It's like you're rewarded for having your own YouTube channel, for having your own OnlyFans, for having all this other shit. That's just me, me, me, me, me.
Speaker 2:It's really hard to be a giver these day societies, but I want to encourage you to be of service to other people. If you're not spiritual, if you're not religious, if you don't go to any sort of congregation, go to a soup kitchen, go volunteer. Just make food at your house. Make a couple of burritos, go pass them out to homeless people, shake people's hands, look them in the eye, give them time of day. It'll take some stress off your life, but it'll make someone else feel seen, heard and loved, even for a moment.
Speaker 2:You know, like what I said in the beginning of the episode on why I'm raising money to go to flight school and to sort of have this career change, and I've always wanted. You know, I didn't have that opportunity when I was younger and I want to be able to walk in classrooms as a pilot and be like hey, uh, there are so many women that are pilots in that are the fighter fighter pilots or pilots in um uh, for commercially. There's so many young men of color, there's so many men in general or so many women in general that are pilots. Do you want to be a pilot? Have you ever even thought you could fly? Has it ever interest you? Have you ever seen, you know, a TV show or a movie where someone's flying and you've seen yourself in that cockpit flying? I was like, who wants to go experience that?
Speaker 2:And then we can talk about how you can make it a reality. We can talk about how the profession can help you feed yourself and your family and allow you to travel and let you do all these things. And there's so many other avenues of getting to aviation you could work in whether it's not just, maybe it's not just pilot, maybe it's mechanic, maybe you're really technically inclined. You want to work with your hands. You have to fix things right, just inspiring people to get into aviation, because it's such a beautiful industry and, contrary to popular belief, you don't just need a shit ton of money to get into it. You do need some support, absolutely financially, but there's ways you can get into it as well too, especially when you're younger. There's a lot more free types of flying when you're younger, when you're like under the age of 18 or 20.
Speaker 2:Now I'm at the age where I need to fundraise for this, because, again, I've spent all my money on horrible surgeries for the past four years that I really need everyone's help to make this happen. So, again, if you guys want to donate to the GoFundMe it's in the link in the show notes. I would highly appreciate it. And if you can't donate or you just don't feel like donating, please do me a favor and just share the link on your social media. Encourage other people to read my story, to check it out I write a good amount about what happened in the past four or five years share some episodes on the show where people can listen and learn about my story. And, again, any of the support you can give is very much appreciated. So until next time, y'all.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for listening to Starve the Ego, feed the Soul. I'm your host, nico Barraza. And one last thing don't forget to leave the show a five-star written review on Apple and Spotify podcast. Thank you so much. Take care, be well, realize all their dreams and wealth and fame, so that they could see that it's not where you're going to find your sense of completion. Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart, in your heart, in your heart. Thank you so much for tuning in to Star of the Eagle. Feed the Soul. Please leave us a five-star written review on Apple and Spotify podcasts. It's a free way you can give back to the show and show your support and, as always, if you want to work with me one-on-one, head over to wwwnicomirazacom.